Saint Lexi
the many misadventures
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Turns out having a photoshoot with smoke bombs is really all about timing, quickness, and trying not to catch yourself on fire.
Photography by Candy Drop
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It’s funny when you realize how many of the people you are following on tumblr are following the same people. So, anyway, here is the I’m Not Perfect, Refer to This Post Later post.
- I don’t have many friends and it makes me feel terrible. Things like weddings and movies and all these shows of best friend love make me feel so useless. I want to be the maid of honor at my bestie’s magical wedding. But I guess I have to have a bestie first and I am terrified that my Golden Girl dreams of lady-friendship will never happen for me.
- I am terrible with money, and feel like I spend like crazy and don’t have anything to show for it. This shames me two fold. 1.) I don’t have the money I pretend to have. 2.) I don’t have nice things that someone who spends should own.
- I can’t believe I don’t have a degree. That is something I never would have believed as a child. Of course I would have a degree. Of course money and social anxiety won’t keep that from me.
- I had a really neglectful childhood and I think that the loneliness still lives in my stomach from that time and is the real reason why I will never have children ever.
- I think my biggest fear of all (besides whales, of course) is that everything really is my fault. The horrors I have seen to the other side, the lack of friends, the way people treat me, everything is all. my. fault.
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Yesterday I created an over reaching To Do list to leave on my desk in case anyone was looking for what I was working on.
Today, even in my sleep deprived - near unconscious state, I managed to mark off every thing on that to do list.
I think that means I deserve tomorrow off. What? Doing all of the things isn’t rewarded with three day weekends? UGHHHHHHH.
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Last night was just a mess. An absolutely mess.
I get home from working out with my aunt and rush to meet a friend to talk about making him some marketing stuff for his puppetry stuff. Rush home to eat dinner. Go to bed late with full intentions on some coma-like sleep. Except that didn’t happen.
My freak of a cat decided that last night was his night to keep me up - any means necessary. He was running around our room making noises, messing with everything. I kicked him out, and he rattled the door until I gave up and opened it. He came back in, returned to messing with everything, including biting my legs til I got up and threw something down the stairs to trick him into leaving me alone - which didn’t work. This wasn’t for like 30 minutes. This was ALL FREAKING NIGHT.
When I finally did drift off between cat attacks, I had a TERRIBLE nightmare which included being shot multiple times, in the head, and trying to protect the same damn cat who was keeping me up in the first place.
I am literally struggling to keep my eyes open at work. Which is unfortunate because I need my eyes open to actually do work. -_-
I cannot wait to get home and take a freaking nap.
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Four months from today I will turn 30. I want to make a huge deal of turning 30 because I didn’t do so at 20, and 21 means nothing to a girl who doesn’t drink. So I am bound and determined to make my thirtieth birthday insane. Which is hilarious, because I aim to make EVERY birthday a big deal. So I am trying to recruit friends and family to super out-do all other birthdays ever.
I think I am worried if it isn’t a big deal, maybe 30 will bug me. I have never been one of those people who was scared of the big three-zero, so I don’t think it will be. But I want to preemptively strike just in case.
I already have some things I really want to do to celebrate. Here is the list:
- Get my fingernails painted with monsters on them. Because nothing says “screw maturity” like adorable monsters dancing around my fingernails.
- Possibly go sky diving because nothing says “oh god 30” quite like jumping out of a plane which is not on fire.
- A trip somewhere?
- You know how at funerals, everyone the dead person knew makes a line and says their goodbyes? I want that only everyone I know makes a huge deal of my birthday, one by one.
I know a lot of you are around my age. What are you doing for your thirtieth? What did you do?
(Source: saintlexi)
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- Went to my Mumzy’s to celebrate her birthday and eat my favorite food
- Went swimming (thank goodness for open pools!)
- Went roller skating at the Jam Reunion which was awesome and reminded me how I am in super good shape now!
- Finally got home and am about to complete crash out
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